Helen L. Flynn - Life Management Strategist

July’s Grandchild

admin — Tue, 24 Aug 2010 15:49:19 +0000

In July I had a good fortune to share a trip with my younger granddaughter as she went with me to the eWomenNetwork Conference in Dallas, Texas. She was about to turn 15 and has an exuberance about life that only a 15 year old can have. She was also sporting newly red (really red) hair with blonde streaks. This is not a quiet, shy child, but one who is quick to verbalize whatever she is thinking and to do it in a way that is nothing short of hilarious.

Did I mention Shannon is not fond of heights? Starting with the escalators at Dulles to the take off of the plane, I enjoyed the thrill through her eyes. She had last flown to Disney ten years ago, so the whole experience was new – how the ground shrank at take off, the layers of clouds, the sensations of flying, all of it.

It was such a treat for me to be with a young adult that I didn’t have to take care of but could enjoy sharing an adventure. You should hear her describe our room in the Hyatt Regency, Dallas. She never did figure out why there was a pillow shaped like a basketball on our beds. It was so neat to share meals as equals and see her interact with such courtesy to service people and business contacts alike. Oh, and I should mention she insisted on taking me up the open glass elevator to the 24th floor to see Dallas. The child who feared heights was thrilled; I, on the other hand, couldn’t look.

Shannon became my PR and marketing expert at the conference, not to mention a huge help in moving the rented harp and book displays. I am so pleased she saw so many entrepreneurial women following their dreams and lifting others up along the way. What a gift for her to have so many encourage her to follow her dreams of being an actress. What a gift for Grandma to share with a precious granddaughter.

Grandchildren

admin — Fri, 20 Aug 2010 15:23:28 +0000

Earlier this year we took our soon-to-be 16-year-old granddaughter to the CEO Space Forum in Henderson, NV. We had gone in December and vowed to take our granddaughters to Teen Feast where they would learn about “cooperative capitalism,” about themselves and their relationships with others, and about entrepreneurship.

Brianne is gifted in many areas. (I know I’m partial, but she really is.) She’s smart, artistic, musical, creative and a kind, loving person. We knew this experience would provide her the vision and contacts to fulfill her career dreams.

Going into a totally strange environment, Brianne branded herself quickly by walking around with a small stuffed wolf on her head. Since she is tall, she could be found in a crowd and remembered in later communications.

One of the joys of grand-parenting is exposing young people to new experiences. It was so good to hear her speak for herself at the coaching tables with world class mentors. Imagine hearing her say one night, as she worked at her computer around midnight, “I now have my 5-year plan.”

Of course there were the fun moments where we enjoyed the resort. As of now, the Lowe’s Lake, Las Vegas is her future honeymoon destination. I think she will always remember, too, the pink dress she bought in the little shipping village.

Grandchildren are God’s reward for being a parent. They are charming and delightful when they are babies, but when they become independent, self-thinking teens, they are even more delightful. I love being surprised by their thoughts, abilities, and dreams. They have so much to teach us when we see the world through their eyes, even though we may think we are teaching them.

Ten Steps to a Solid Relationship

admin — Tue, 17 Aug 2010 15:57:38 +0000

Work on yourself continuously. Notice this is number one. Of course it is easier to work on the other person, but becoming the best person you can be in all areas of your life is the best thing you can do for a relationship.

Forgive. No matter what the hurt, we must forgive for our own sakes. There are times when prudence says to forgive and leave the relationship. Forgiveness may take years, but it begins with the conscious decision to forgive. Only then can healing begin.

Keep your sense of self. According to my “Meatball Theory of Relationships,” a half a meatball connecting to another half a meatball does not become a good relationship or a good meatloaf. Be whole and find another whole to connect with. Do not lose your wholeness to the other meatball. Be complimented by it and add to the other meatball as well.

Maintain your own professional dreams, your friends and your hobbies while allowing your partner the same. Example: Play golf together occasionally, but don’t give up tennis with your friends.

Compromise. Everything does not work out equally in a relationship. Sometimes the other person’s needs must come first; sometimes life is not fair. Sometimes we have to be flexible. Sometimes we have to sacrifice and sometimes life sucks.

Admit when you are wrong even when that is only a remote possibility. It opens the door to discussion and restructuring it also diffuses arguments. In most conflicts both parties can usually find an area to accept responsibility.

Pray together. It doesn’t matter if your beliefs are very different; bring a spiritual dimension into the relationship. If you share beliefs, grow in them. If not, learn from each other and explore new paths.

Be loyal to each other. Complaining about a partner to friends or other family members (even in jest) always causes harm to the relationship. If something bothers you, discuss it with your partner or get impartial professional help.

Spend time together. It is so easy to grow apart from someone you see every day. Break the routine: spend real time together listening to each other and having fun.

Say the words, “I love you, I appreciate you, I admire and respect you, thank you, I’m sorry, and Please.” Somehow we easily forget these magic words with the most important people in our lives.

Relationships are precious but they take work. Some relationships prove to be toxic and should be dissolved. Problems are inevitable in relationships and each problem solved creates another building block in the foundation of a solid relationship.

Celebrating a 40th Anniversary

admin — Fri, 13 Aug 2010 16:31:18 +0000

August is the month I was married. This year we celebrate 40 years of marriage. I remember celebrating my parents’ 40th. Now it’s ours. How did that happen? I know I am blessed to be married to the same person all these years and to still be grateful for that. But, are we really the same people? We have survived too much individually and together to be anywhere like the young, invincible people we were.

We could never have imagined the journey – it’s joys or its sorrows. We could never have survived without the presence of God – the third Person in the marriage.

I look back and remember the excitement of starting our lives together – our new careers and first apartment, then our first house. We pursued Master’s degrees and welcomed our first child. Then the inevitable storms came: the premature births and deaths of two more sons; the death of a parent and a grandparent; a job loss; illness; relocation, etc.

We laughed together, cried together struggled and prayed as the years went by. The wheel of life continued to turn as we faced new challenges in our work and more losses in our family, as well as the thrill of grandchildren, new direction in our lives and the comfort of wisdom acquired along the way. That wisdom makes us appreciate the blessings in our lives, however painfully they are packaged. It makes us live in the present moment, remembering the past and not fearing the future. And, it makes us very grateful for the last 40 years and every tomorrow to come.

Keep Dancing

admin — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 16:15:31 +0000

We were privileged to attend a 50th wedding anniversary celebration this weekend. My husband had met this couple as he prepared for his ordination to the Diaconate. Our lives intertwined in tragedy as their daughter was brutally murdered at the same time our son was severely injured in an accident. I will never forget how touched I was by their prayers and concern for us as they mourned their daughter’s death. The husband has had serious health issues the last few years and it was beautiful to see them stand in church and renew their vows, especially the part about “in sickness and in health.” The celebration was a tribute to the faith, perseverance, patience and love of a couple. They were surrounded by family and friends they had cried with and laughed with. It is so important to celebrate the moment and my belief that we do somehow survive the worst and find joy was again reinforced. The deceased daughter was lovingly remembered, and two surviving daughters are fully living their lives. How wonderful that the celebration and tribute took place while both husband and wife are living. We sat with another couple who have been married 41 years – one more than our 40. She is a cancer survivor, a liver transplant survivor and receives dialysis treatment every other day. She was telling me how blessed she is and both were out on the dance floor. It was an evening of reflection and my conclusion is that we can and must keep on dancing.

Dance in the Rain

admin — Mon, 31 May 2010 15:18:46 +0000

I lost a friend today. She was one of those rare friends who gave first, who loved unconditionally, who lifted you up, who believed in your best self. She suffered through years of pain and multiple surgeries and serious illnesses. Without fail, however, if you called she sincerely wanted to know how you were. She was cheerful, kind beyond belief, and completely humble. Her giving never expected a return; her love was generously bestowed upon all.

It is so rare to have someone in your life who accepts and loves you unconditionally, someone with whom masques and discretion about self-revelation are unnecessary.

How does a relationship like this happen? It evolves through shared pain and shared survival; shared joys and triumphs.

Long lasting friendships do not require daily contact. Our friendship spanned daily contact to a couple times a month. Throughout our friendship one or the other would call just when hearing the voice was needed. I am so thankful I listened to the inclination to call the day of her death. Little did we know it would be our last conversation, but we were able to express love and hope. There is an empty place in my heart today for the closeness we shared, but I am also greatly relieved that her suffering is over. She died as her family recited the Rosary in the early hours of Pentecost Sunday. Now she will continue to shower her “Happy Day Gift” on all of us.

Dear Friend, you never feared the storm, but taught us to dance in the rain.

Open Mind, Open Heart

admin — Tue, 25 May 2010 20:42:56 +0000

It must take a lifetime of learning to refine how we view things. When I was a child I thought like a child. Now as a mature woman I am continually rethinking what I thought I knew. Reminds me of the King of Siam in “The King and I”, who realized the only thing for certain that he knew was that he did not know.

There’s an old story of a young bride preparing a roast for dinner. She carefully cut it in half, placed it in 2 pans, and cooked. When asked why she did it that way she responded that this was how her mother always did it. Puzzled, she asked her mother, who explained she didn’t have a large enough pan.

It is liberating to examine our behavior and thought with the possibility there may be a better way, a broader view, and a greater possibility. It is harder to see the world through the eyes of our children because our role is to teach and guide. And through the eyes of our grandchildren, their world is so very different. Perhaps there is safety or comfort in living with blinders on, but being open to different views, approaches, beliefs and behaviors is altogether challenging, exciting and enriching. We must know our own truth and allow it to be broadened, colored and enhanced by respecting and hearing others’ truth.

Opening our minds can’t help but open our hearts as well.

Freedom of Choice

admin — Tue, 04 May 2010 19:20:18 +0000

I was recently reminded of Victor Frankl, and his incredible writings about our freedom to choose our thoughts, even in the worst of circumstances.

How often do we say, “you make me angry” or, “you’re driving me crazy” or, “you made me do it”? The truth is we are free to choose our reactions to every circumstance. We may initially feel anger, hurt, shame, etc, but with conscious thought we can determine how we respond. This is an incredibly freeing thought. Our lives and behaviors are never at the mercy or control of others.

Why then is it so easy to surrender that freedom? I think, perhaps, it is the lack of knowledge of the power we have. It also takes practice not to slip into old, learned and familiar patterns of blame.

I invite you to share your stories of where you took control of your reaction in a difficult situation.

The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow

admin — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 15:30:06 +0000

It has been a long Winter in the Washington area and seeing signs of Spring makes sweeter than usual. Rainbows come out after the storm. The same is true in our lives. While we are going through the storm, it may seem as if it will always be so, but like the budding trees here, we do emerge. Bruised, a little broken, but with roots digging ever deeper for survival, heads turned toward the sun.

Spring has always been my favorite time of year. Perhaps it is because of a Spring birthday, perhaps because of Easter, many things. It is a time of hope, of new beginnings. Take time to see the trees budding, the flowers miraculously poking through barren ground, the birds singing a new song. All of these things remind us of our own resiliency and the steadfast love of the Creator of all.

Embracing Technology

admin — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 17:50:07 +0000

I surrender! I cannot avoid it. In fact, I have begun to actually embrace the opportunities for connecting and communicating, as well as the resource for knowledge technology provides. As a psychotherapist, written records were the norm. When I started my Real Estate training, computers were an essential and accepted part of the business. Like other things, I made up my mind to learn it and did. It is harder to use the computer for things previously done “by hand”. I still cling to my Day Planner, but rarely call 411. I write handwritten notes as well as electronic ones. I now do more and more everyday transactions online and less on the phone. Speaking of the phone, I actually like my Blackberry and the accessibility it gives me (if I could just see the keys!). However, I know the day is coming when a new phone will mean a new learning curve. Social networking, blogging, teleseminars and webinars have become a normal and productive part of my day.

Besides, if I don’t keep up, my grandchildren will leave me in the dust!